Life is full of ups and downs...

I am at peace with my past and am now enjoying getting used to not living on high alert all the time. It warms my heart as I write this.  I didn't realise just how living on high alert has affected my everyday life over so many years.  In fact, it still doesn't feel completely 'normal' to not have that 'on edge' feeling but I'm getting there! 

I began this blog nearly two months ago and the last blog to be published was written at the end of October 2024.  A lot has been going on and the past few months have taken time to process.  My mother passed away in December, not long after her 89th birthday and while I was visiting my eldest daughter and her family in the USA.  That brought up a turmoil of emotions, some very unexpected. There was delight at spending time with my American grandkids but then the contrast of mum taking ill in the last week of my time over there. She passed away as I landed in Amsterdam. The festive season became a roller coaster of emotions, ending mid-January with a celebration of mum's life.  All my kids came home for that which meant a lot. Before I knew it, I was then immediately in the middle of final preparations for our wedding which was a few weeks ago. See photo above! It's been a bit of a whirlwind!

An unexpected thing happened in the weeks following mum's passing.  Instead of the type of grief that we would expect, I initially relived all sorts of trauma that I had experienced growing up. I didn't have a straightforward upbringing and it felt like I was right back there, like it was yesterday, instead of 50 years ago.  It was a strange feeling going through it as myself, but also as someone who now supports clients who have also come through different kinds of trauma and grief. It highlighted how we can never ever anticipate how someone is going to react or respond during these times.  Very few people know me well enough to know what happened, so even members of my own family didn't understand, even misinterpreting my outward response to the situation as meaning I wasn't experiencing 'grief' at all. Something that will possibly resonate with some of you. 

I don't usually get too personal but I want to share this in case it helps someone else. 

I quickly decided to not have any wellbeing clients in January and was very grateful to be in the position that I could do that. I knew that I had to work on me before I could support others again.  In that time, I had quiet time in the yurt, tried to keep the diary as clear as possible, listened to music, Tapped quite a lot and generally focused on selfcare.  Since then, I have slowly come back to having clients and in the last couple of weeks feel like I'm ready to get back into a more regular routine again, so here I am writing this blog! 

I had a couple of significant EFT sessions with colleagues that helped during this time, which is why I could begin this blog with 'I am at peace with my past...'. I feel good. I feel ready to embrace this new chapter of my life and am grateful for all the love and support I have around me. Feeling good means that I am also more able to support others. It's so important look after ourselves.  No one can pour from an empty cup.  So, today, do something just for you.  Something that will make you feel good.  It doesn't have to be anything dramatic, a wee walk, a bubble bath, a cup of hot chocolate, whatever you know will lift your spirits.  As you do that, notice how it makes you feel and remember that feeling.